About Courtney

Hi, I’m Courtney and I started this blog because I wanted to share about my personal experiences and discoveries on the Divine Love Path towards God, my soulmate, and growing in love and truth with regards to myself, others, and all of God’s Creations. For more detailed info on the Divine Love Path, please click here.

I’m in my 30’s, and am American but currently living in England.

I’ve been listening to Divine Truth since 2011, when I was introduced to it through my then-friend and now-husband, Perry. You’ll find mention of Perry on this blog as well.

I’ve attended a few Divine Truth events in-person, in the USA and in Australia. I attended a weekend seminar in the USA in 2013. In 2016 I attended an Assistance Group in Australia, and following that from December 2016 – January 2017, I participated in the Divine Truth Training Program in Australia, which was a gift from Jesus, Mary and others to teach tools for sharing Divine Truth with the world. From in March 2018, again in Australia, I participated in the Volunteer Selection Project and upon passing, volunteered for several months through July 2018, learning behind the scenes operations for God’s Way projects, handling office email and FAQ emails as well as FAQ databases, and skills and tasks for filming studio recordings, as well as manual labor for environmental projects, and more.

I had to cease volunteering in order to deal with issues of love and truth that have been highlighted to me by Jesus and Mary as necessary to work through in order to make a great volunteer long-term.

My career has always been in health and nutrition, and I have my own business as a nutritionist where I coach people in vegan nutrition, juicing, and healing food addictions, as well as make videos and other content. Most of my time is spent doing that, which I really enjoy.

At the moment I spend most of my time on my interests in veganism, outdoors and indoors fitness activities, and cooking. I also enjoy writing and photography. Some of my other passions, though I am very blocked to them, include art and most things crafty and creative, music, dance and theater. And of course, a huge passion is learning about God’s Truth from Jesus and Mary and sharing it with others.

The Divine Truth teachings, and Jesus and Mary’s personal feedback to me, has helped me to heal myself more than anything else I’ve ever discovered. I love learning it, and I want everyone in the world to know that Divine Truth is here should they want to explore it.

I have a YouTube channel about my experiences learning about Divine Truth called God Love and Truth, which can be found here.

Thank you for stopping by.

Love,

Courtney

godloveandtruth {at} gmail.com

More about me (the long version):

I was born into a military family; my dad was a US Air Force pilot. My parents had two boys after me; I am the oldest. We moved around a lot in my first few years, eventually settling in rural Vermont, where we lived for 11 years, through my middle school. I went to school and my favorite subjects were art, choir, music (I played the piano, flute and clarinet). I tried several sports, with the one sticking being competitive swimming; a sport my brothers also joined.

My parents were Christian (Methodist) and I grew up attending church. I enjoyed church; we had a small, warm congregation at the church and all the memories I have of the pastors (both female which was rather uncommon at the time) were talking of God’s Goodness and love for us, and about how to be kind people who loved others. I feel this church was a very positive influence on me. When I was a child, I believed fully in God and I had faith that God was good, loving, and my personal friend. I would walk in the woods by myself and talk to God about how I was feeling, I’d journal to God. I thought God was magical.

There was a point in my life where I would have told you that my childhood was great and normal and that my parents were lovely. I always had a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes for school. We went on family vacations and took professional family portraits that were framed and displayed. Neither of my parents were addicts.

What I have since discovered is that there was an enormous amount of denial within the family, and a heavy facade to everyone outside the family, which meant that for a long time I was completely oblivious to the dysfunction, abuse, and extremely dark dynamics that were present in the family, created by my parents.

My childhood is a strange dichotomy to remember: on one hand, I grew up in an idyllic place, on an island in the middle of a freshwater lake, with a population of 2000. Nothing bad really happened in our town; it was mostly a community of peaceful farmers and the people who were a part of the few businesses around: the only gas station, the only pizza place, the only school. I was always swimming in the lake and picking wild berries in the summers, reveling in the New England autumn colors when fall came, walking in winter wonderland woods in winter. I climbed trees, jumped off docks, played in treehouses. Nature has always been a solace and an encouragement for self-discovery and connection for me throughout my life.

Vermont, photo by Kevin Davison via Unsplash

And yet, at home, I can look back and see I was deeply suffering with my parents. I began compulsively overeating as young as I can remember, stuffing myself with food at every opportunity. I suffered with debilitating hay fever year-round (which I’ve learned from Jesus and Mary have to do with feeling oppressed emotionally by the environment). I was in anxiety and terror most all of the time, had a sense of low-self worth from a very young age, and felt extremely controlled and dominated.

My dad was rough with me physically a number of times, including spanking me, pushing me, shoving me, and grabbing my face and screaming at me. However, because I didn’t have bruises, and because my mom agreed with this treatment from him and fully allowed it, for a long time I didn’t realize any of it was abuse. I thought you had to be punched in the face and bleeding to qualify for being physically abused.

My dad was also sexually predatory. When he spanked me as a young child he would remove all of my bottom clothes and expose me fully, in an intentional way. He would often walk into my bedroom without knocking or announcing himself. When I was around 8, he once grabbed me and kissed me on the lips. I told my mom, who said to me I was misunderstanding him and he was just being affectionate as parents are. Later when I got older, I found out he would remark to others about how he thought I was “smoking hot” or talk about liking my breasts. He would often look me up and down as if I was someone he wanted to sleep with. But again, because I thought you had to have certain overt criteria to be considered sexually abused, it took me a long time to realize that what my dad did was on the spectrum of sexual abuse.

My mom has always had a facade of niceness that I’ve learned hides some very dark emotions. In addition to allowing with full knowledge, and at times encouraging my dad’s abuse, she herself was abusive in a narcissistic manner. She was very controlling of most every aspect of my life, no matter how small, and was also critical of most every aspect. She, like my dad, desired power and control over me, and I ended up being their scapegoat. My mom also became very competitive with me.

Very confusingly, and which contributed to deep problems for me later on, my mom also created an enmeshment dynamic with me, where I was her best friend, in some ways her spouse and partner (in an non-sexual way) and her therapist and confidante. Many times I functioned more as her mother than she being mine.

There are many other traumatic dynamics with my parents: they seemed to want me to be the “good quiet Christian girl in the corner”–pretty and docile, submissive and meek. They didn’t take seriously my passions for creative pursuits and my dad in particular really hated them. They both believe men are better than women.

They also were unabashedly racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and generally felt superior to anyone who wasn’t a straight, white, American Christian or Catholic. When I was about 12, they left the congregation of the little church I so adored and had gone to most of my life, in protest of the pastor deciding to openly welcome gay people to the church (in a way of telling them they were loved as they were, and would not be told they were wrong and there would be no conversion therapy etc.)

Just before high school, my family moved from Vermont to Utah after my dad became a commercial airline pilot. I went to high school in Utah in a mid-sized town, but what felt bit compared to where I came from. During this time, I started losing some of my interest in creative pursuits and became more shut down. I was able to get away from my parents more now, which was a relief, however life at home still felt frustrating and ever-tense.

Utah, photo by Oliver Pan via Unsplash

By this time, I had also completely lost interest in God. I now feel that this loss of God happened because when I was a younger child, I had prayed and pleaded to God so many times to please take me from my family and let me go somewhere else. I thought that angels would literally show up at the doorstep and take me away. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted to go somewhere else that felt better. For reasons I now have learned from Divine Truth, of course that didn’t happen. I interpreted it as God not being there, not caring I was suffering, and abandoning me. I still have yet to fully work through these error emotions.

When I was 16, my parents told me they were getting divorced, and my whole world came crashing down on me. I had no idea they had problems as they had always put on a front of a great relationship. As it turns out, my mom had filed for divorce after my dad had an affair, and she found hidden bank accounts and he’d been privately funding his affair and other personal vacations meanwhile telling her he was on a work trip. After she filed, my dad took off with all the family’s money and purposefully left my mom, my brothers and I with no money.

We fell on financial hardship, I began working to pay for many of my expenses as well as some family expenses. Soon after I developed anorexia, and was diagnosed by a therapist with severe depression. My grades slipped, my athletics slipped, and I didn’t enjoy anything in life anymore. I had no excitement for college; I felt like my life was over. My health degraded and I developed autoimmune issues, hormonal problems, chronic fatigue and was barely functioning.

I struggled through a year and a half of college, severely depressed but pretending not to be. My family didn’t do anything about the depression diagnosis: nobody talked to me about it, I didn’t get any treatment. My lifelong overeating issues began spiraling and I ricocheted from anorexia to binge eating disorder in a short period of time, gaining 65 lbs in 2 years. Oddly, it was during this time I went vegan, which wasn’t a weight loss cure considering my binge tendencies, but which was important to me with what I’d learned about animals, the environment, and human rights.

After a while I felt I was not functional enough to continue to attend college and I desperately wanted to heal myself, get better and stop the terrifying cycle of binge eating and health issues I was accumulating. I ended up at a health retreat center/spiritual community in Arizona for five years, where I learned about nutrition and juicing, and also engaged heavily in new age spirituality as well as Yogic and Native American traditions. I meditated regularly for about six years and tried countless practices and techniques.

In some ways this period of life in Arizona was great, and in other ways it wasn’t. On one hand, I was back in rural nature: a town of 800 people in the mountains, mostly living by myself. It was here where I delved more deeply into healing. I journaled fervently, spent lots of silent, solo time alone with myself and my feelings. I found some books that discussed feeling emotions and experimented with that approach. And wouldn’t you know, it was the only thing that actually helped! My binge eating started to improve and I felt a bit better. I really loved learning about health and nutrition and cooking, as well as growing food and living naturally. My health recovered significantly.

Arizona, photo by Robert Murray via Unsplash

I also met my darling husband Perry here in Arizona, in 2008. He was studying and working at the center, and came for three months once, and then another three months about a year and a half later. One or both of us was in relationships each time he came, and so we were just friends. However, I had very strong feelings for him at the time but suppressed them within myself and did not share them with him–something I now deeply regret. We parted in 2010 as friends, with him returning to England. About a year after Perry returned home to England, he sent me a link to Divine Truth, and was the one to introduce me to it.

However, this spiritual community had a lot of issues that often left me feeling bad about myself. The goal was to “meditate to enlightenment”, and I never felt enlightened, nothing really happened for me in meditation aside from becoming aware of some feelings due to the lack of distraction (which was a great thing actually; though not the intent of the meditation). I felt I was bad at spirituality, bad at meditating, would never get where I thought I was supposed to go. Additionally, like many communities, there were lots of ethics and morals issues.

After five years in this community, I left, at age 24, and for the next few years moved around the country, living in Philadelphia and also Colorado.

I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with a man during the first few years in Arizona that ended with me being cheated on. After that, I had a couple short relationships, and then, a gay woman pursued me heavily. I ended up entering this relationship, starting a 5.5 year period of my life where I though myself to be bisexual or gay.

As it turns out (also thanks to Jesus and Mary’s help and Divine Truth), this relationship with the woman was also unhealthy and was created due to my unresolved emotions from having a mother who enmeshed with me and who wanted to dominate and control me. It should be clarified that as J&M teach, God creates some souls with soulmates of the same gender, and these relationships in their pure states are beautiful and exactly as God meant! Gay souls are born gay and designed that way by God. However, in my case, I am not gay and this relationship was created through emotional injuries, not unlike the injuries with my dad that attracted the abusive man I had previously had a relationship with, who was also not my soulmate.

During this time I was listening to Divine Truth and putting many pieces together, as well as soaking up the information with voracity, as people often do after discovering the material. I was thinking about God again, albeit in a very stay-at-arms-distance way. I confronted my dad, who reacted by saying he thought of me like I was dead and that I treated him badly–what I learned to be a classic narcissist response.

I met Jesus and Mary in 2013 at talks they did in San Diego, California. Over the subsequent years, my interest in DT grew and in 2015, I received some personal feedback and was enjoying being in touch with others who listened to DT.

Throughout these years, Perry and I stayed in touch, sometimes more often than others. There were times we went a year or more without being in touch, but tended to catch up and talk about our mutual interest in Divine Truth, as well as the interests that brought us to Arizona: nutrition, health, natural living, gardening etc. I often had feelings come up during these chats which I suppressed, telling myself they were error-based. I would often have sexual dreams about Perry after the talks.

By 2016, Perry and I were in touch regularly due to our mutual interest in Divine Truth and the online forums we were both a part of. We were both in relationships and so again were attempting a friendship. During one call, the topic of dreams came up, and I had sudden intense feeling that I needed to tell him I had dreams about him at times. I wasn’t trying to begin a relationship; in fact I was terrified to tell him, and though it would be the end. But it was just a feeling I needed to be honest given the topic we were talking about. I even still thought I was gay!

It was unbelievably awkward, Perry didn’t say much and the call was awkward after that, and we ended it nervously not long after. I expected to not hear from him again, but instead he messaged a few days later confessing he had feelings for me back when we lived in Arizona. I had no idea that he ever had, and so this turned my world upside down. I also finally had to admit I’d always had feelings for him that never had gone away.

This led to an existential meltdown for me about my sexuality, sexual orientation, soulmate gender and relationships. Long story short, I went through some emotions about men, about women, and about myself that led me to realize I had been forcing the idea that I was gay but indeed I was not.

Perry and I stayed in touch, and I visited him later that year. We began a relationship, which was extremely rocky from the start. While we had always felt we had a special connection with each other, the beginning of our dating was anything but romantic and smooth.

Over the next few years, my home base was still in the USA, now back in Utah. I went to my first Divine Truth assistance group in Australia, and then subsequently did a program they offered at the time, a Divine Truth training program. I was in Australia altogether then for about three months, learned a ton, and received a lot of personal feedback. I continued to travel to England to visit Perry for long visits and work on our relationship, which was so precious to me and I’ve always been so in love with him, but also so hard due to our emotional injuries.

I began to confront my mother more during this time, and her reaction was so much worse than I ever imagined it could be. Her facade didn’t hold up and her hatred for me, her desire to pull me down all the time and have control over me — it all showed through. I realized that I had major “mom stuff” whereas previously I thought my mom was great and it was only “dad stuff” that I had. My brothers sided with both my parents and my relationships with them deeply suffered.

In 2018 I went back to Australia for the Volunteer Selection project. I passed the project however volunteered only for a couple months before I needed to stop in order to deal with issues of love and truth that were raised with me. I have not fully dealt with these still but am slowly choosing to make progress in some areas that were raised with me. While I often find personal truth challenging and I have been angry with Jesus and Mary, the truth is that it is the personal feedback from Jesus and Mary that has helped me the most, and I truly feel they, and God, have single-handedly saved my life.

Perry and I got married in 2018, and I moved to England in 2020. The last few years have had a focus of working through the issues that get exposed in our marriage, which are plentiful for both of us. I have many addictions and codependencies and deep injuries that resulted from my childhood. It is really, really hard hard but it is also the first time I’ve been in a relationship where we are attempting to work on issues and be honest, and thus it is so much closer. There are many problems and it is not healthy from God’s Perspective and standards of love, but it’s so much healthier than any relationship I’ve been in. It truly feels precious and I am as in love with Perry as I’ve ever been.

England, photos by Scott Evans via Unsplash

Another focus of the last few years has been continuing to confront family emotions. I found out that my dad nearly strangled a partner of his to death and has engaged full domestic violence, validating many of my suspicions of what would have happened if my mom and I hadn’t been so submissive to him, and the threats I was constantly under with him as a child.

I have confronted my family about many issues more honestly and with more emotional expression, which has resulted in my entire immediate family, aside from my very young half-sister, completely cutting me off. My mom, dad, grandparents, brothers, and a number of extended family, all feel I am evil, abusive, mentally ill and some have flat-out told me they don’t plan to ever talk to me again in my life. There have been numerous deaths and births in the family that I was not told about at all, much less invited to be a part of funerals or to meet babies. It has been an unbelievable shock and devastating heartbreak to lose nearly everyone.

I am still struggling to reconcile with God; for me I feel I had a relationship that was lost and I have massive trust issues and unresolved hurt and anger with God. I am making slow progress in this area, but a bit of progress anyway.

It is impossible to use words to sum up what Jesus and Mary and the Divine Truth teachings have given me. As I mentioned, I feel they’ve truly saved my life. I no longer struggle with debilitating depression (though I have my days), I do not any longer binge eat or suffer with eating disorders. I am the happiest I have been since being a young child. That’s not to say I’m super happy; I have a lot of things I’m extremely angry about and scared of and grief that I am suppressing. But I used to feel like a shell of a person and now I feel like a person. I have some sense of myself, and far better relationships than I used to have. I have forward thinking vision for the future and things I would like to experience.

Divine Truth will save your life too if you give it a chance. Jesus and Mary are true angels, steadfast in their consistency to love and truth. There is no cult; I laugh when people worry about that because I was in a cult-like community with the new-age meditation stuff and Jesus and Mary literally could not be more different. They have loved me more than anyone on the planet ever has and they are the reason that I have some sense of what real love actually is. Divine Truth is the only set of teachings that has ever made an actual, measurable, notable difference in my life over the long-term.

Well, that’s it from me I think; somehow this is still the short version of all these events and developments, but if you have any details you’d like to know about my experience, you can always email me.

Love,

Courtney

godloveandtruth {at} gmail.com

10 thoughts on “About Courtney”

  1. Thanks for sharing Courtney! Helped me to reflect on some of my current blockages to connecting with God. It’s inspiring to hear some of the big shifts you have made.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Courtney, I couldn’t find a place to leave a comment (maybe because I’m using my cell phone?) But I just wanted to say hi. My name is Lacy. I’ve been on the DL path since the beginning of this year, 2017, and have been desperately wanting to connect with someone/anyone who is also on it. I really enjoyed your story and it made me look at some of my emotional dynamics with my parents, especially my mother, in a new way. I find it really hard to gauge my progress although as Jesus says a good way to know if you’ve changed is if you see that change reflected in your life and in some ways I do. It feels great to talk to you, I feel quite isolated and lonely on this path sometimes (I live in rural eastern Canada) and although I try to share divine truth with those around me, it’s usually not well received. I’ve signed up for a 2019 assistance group but it seems so far away!! Anyway, thank you again for your honesty and take care :))

        Like

  2. Well written, honest and lovely to hear your journey. Glad you have started a blog on this. Great stuff! Has caused me to reflect on some things on my own site that need correcting, that I wrote in facade and very intellectually. It evolves all the time, and when I can reflect and see a lack of soul based truth I learn something – God shows me something. There is also a difference when you have received God’s Love of course – Love and truth come hand in hand. I hope it won’t be too long before I clear blocks around this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Finally got to read this and I’m so glad to know you better and have more insight into your beautiful journey with God. I’m looking forward to reading your other posts!

    Like

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