A Windy Hilltop and My Faith

I wanted to share about a pretty wonderful law of attraction event I had earlier today that I am feeling really grateful for!

Where I currently live near Salt Lake City, Utah, I am surrounded by the majestic Rocky Mountain range, wherein I am blessed to have access to spectacular nature and hiking trails. In such expanses, I can easily find solitary spots, which are one of the best places for me to feel emotions and pray to God, partly because the beauty of nature has always been such an access point for me in connecting with God’s goodness.

So today I went to the mountains to feel through some big emotions I’m having come up about a lack of faith, hopelessness, and feeling alone in certain areas of my life and growth. Without making it a long post with the specifics (maybe another time), I’m basically realizing that my main prayer needs to be for more faith. In these particular areas, I feel a lack of faith in my own ability to figure out the truth about something or the best course of action, and also a lack of faith in God’s guidance. Despite that I’ve grown faith in other areas of my life in regards to God and myself, obviously my relationship with God is in its infancy and there are still lots of emotional wounds to heal before I can feel a strong sense of faith in God and myself in every area, and with every emotion.

So I climbed to the top of a hill off the beaten trail in the mountains, and today it was quite windy, so I knew I could go there and be pretty sequestered visually and auditorily while having a good cry. I’d been teary all day, so the full force of the emotions started coming out as soon as I found my little spot. I began crying about my lack of faith and fear of not being able to the truth about certain things, and doubt about receiving guidance. I eventually got to this lifelong feeling of being alone in regards to God, and unsupported in general, sort of a thrown out into the rain to fend for myself by God kind of feeling. Not surprisingly, the only physical pain I have, which I can remember since my pre-teen years, are chronically tight shoulders and neck related to the amount of self-reliance that I haven’t really wanted to be in, but felt I had to be in and the lack of faith that I’m supported completely by God, which causes a general scarcity of relaxation and trust in my life.

So I was having a pretty full-body sob about it and had been sitting there for about twenty minutes in the emotion, my head was in my knees and my eyes were closed, and I was feeling and thinking specifically, “Why do I feel so alone?” “If I have so much love and assistance from God and also my guide, why do I just feel so completely alone in this?” “Why do I have so little faith right now that I’m not alone?” “Why have I always felt so alone almost all of my life?”

Right at this moment, I heard a person run up behind me. I turned around and a man in running gear said simply,

“I didn’t mean to intrude, I just wanted to tell you you’re not alone. Whatever it is, you’re not alone.”

… and then he ran off.

And of course, this crystal clear law of attraction event got me into even more grief as in that moment I started to feel just how much God and my guide want me to know I’m not alone even if I don’t believe it yet, so much so that they inspired someone to come remind me at the exact same moment I was thinking those thoughts.

Every time I get a reminder and feeling like that of how God is with me every second, aware of every single feeling I’m having, it just blows me away. It triggers so much grief when I feel the truth about the incredible tender care and complete attentiveness God has for me–all of us–in every moment and every situation, and how God doesn’t miss a single thing that’s happening in our souls. It’s like I get this little budding feeling of how precious each of us are to God and then all the worth-based emotions spill out, of course. And even though I still have much more emotion to go through about the causes of that alone feeling from my childhood, and more to go through before the alone feeling I’ve carried through my life is replaced with faith, this beautiful LOA gift gave me some faith right there and then.

I’ve always had this feeling of so badly wanting God reliance to be possible, even before finding Divine Truth (though I’ve had used different verbiage than that), but feeling like I dare not get excited about it because it was too good to be true; it wasn’t really something I could trust in. I’ve felt it was naive to think my life wasn’t just solely up to me, that getting my hopes up for something so wonderful from and with God was a dumb fantasy. I’ve also had feelings before that perhaps it was even more noble and spiritual to do it all by myself and maybe that’s why it seemed like I had to.

So now I’m feeling a bit more faith that I can, and God can help me, release the emotions that have caused my feelings of aloneness in my life and doubt that I am supported and guided by God. And even though I still have some of the feeling of not daring to believe in the beauty and gift of God reliance despite how much I love the idea of it, I feel such a feeling of excitement when I let myself believe it’s possible.

Love,

Courtney

Taking Action, Following Desires, and London

Hi Everyone,

I began this blog post writing from a quaint coffee shop in London, one many Americans like me find so novel and exotic, with a view out the windows of old, quintessentially european buildings, climbing vines, and small, charming shops. I finished this blog where I currently live in Salt Lake City, Utah, after a week of reflection on what was quite an epic trip.

I went to visit my longtime friend Perry, meet my new-to-be longtime friend Nicky, attend their first public Divine Truth talk, which they gave along with Nicky’s cousin Peter, and otherwise engage in any Divine Truth related happenings and conversations in which I was able to shoehorn myself into (which luckily, since these guys are amazing, was tons).

Hanging out with Perry, Nicky and Peter, and attending their talk, was so inspiring for me not only in the content itself that they presented, but also in witnessing examples of what a person does when they’re really in their passions. These three guys are exercising their desires and passions for teaching divine truth and taking action on them. I started writing this blog soon after their talk and was attempting to illustrate all that I observed behind the scenes, though they just published an awesome blog about all that detail you can read by clicking here.

But to reiterate and expand on some of what I was privy to, in order to create the seminar, they had to take so many actions–similar processes I’d imagine Jesus and Mary likely go through to set their seminars up. In observing them for a few days prior, I watched them discuss the venue hire, how to transport equipment back and forth, plan out the topics and the overall flow of the presentation, and go through a huge amount of testing to make sure all the video and audio equipment worked. And as far as I know, all the equipment stuff was pretty much completely new to them, so it was a steep learning curve they had to go through. Then there’s setting up the room, breaking down the room, deconstructing all the equipment, and then of course all the editing of the videos and creating a youtube-compatible presentation after the fact.

It’s not like the understanding of all of this is entirely new to me as I’ve heard Jesus and Mary discuss the details of presenting and recording seminars before, but perhaps there’s something about the fact that I’ve known Perry for 7+ years and am getting to see him follow his passions, and also all the guys are around my age and have been listening to Divine Truth for a similar amount of time as myself, which feels so relatable, and also, it’s different seeing the process immediately in front of me. It’s like, with Jesus and Mary, it can be easy to perpetuate some excuses with myself: they’re so much farther ahead than I am in their development, I’m not there yet, I’m just lil ole’ me.

And this is also only talking about the logistical aspects involved in making their first seminar happen. There’s also the emotions around it they had to go through to do it all, and it made me reflect on many that I know I’ll personally need to go through as I have a passion to share Divine Truth in similar ways as they are: concern that I’m not far enough along to share anything of value, fear of bumbling and blubbering incoherently in front of a group of people live and on video, fear that I wouldn’t be able to figure out all the technology involved, fear of human and spirit attack, concerns about if nobody showed up and I looked like a fool. For me, I imagine it’d be about worth and fear of others’ opinions of me more so than fear of handling logistical aspects or tech, but the bottom line is there are always emotions triggered when we start following our passions.

Witnessing all the gifts these guys give as an expression of their passion and love–not just their main seminar but also a more informal (but with a larger audience!) talk that Perry and Nicky did, and also seeing Nicky put so much work into managing the forum, and what went into creating a video for their Divine Truth Experience channel (I did one with Perry–watch out for it!)–reminded me that when we are really passionate, we will do whatever it takes, both in regards to taking logistical action and also in regards to feeling emotions that come up before, during and after taking those actions. It reminded me that following our passions is a resolved exercise of our will in so many directions. These guys don’t need hand-holding to follow their passions, they don’t have a demand people listen and appreciate, or require validation in order to exercise them, and yet at the same time are so humble in desiring guidance from their guides and God along the whole way.

It reminds me that if we are truly desirous of living in our passions–whatever they may be–we would start acting now, and start feeling our emotional blocks now. We wouldn’t wait till next week, or in a year or exist in irresolution until some nebulous point in time that we’re not even sure what the criteria would be to start. We actually wouldn’t even be able to wait, because the passion and excitement would propel us through even if we had to go through a lot of hurdles and a lot of emotions in order to make it happen. I’ve begun to feel how following our passions is a significant part of self-love, and how not following our soul’s passions in line with who God designed us to be is actually a very damaging use of our will against ourselves, our soulmate, and keeps us from being closer with God. Expressing our soul is about being in harmony with love, and we are choosing to remain disconnected from our own souls when we hold off from following our passions and desires in harmony with love.

So with that, I really recommend watching their presentation. The main seminar, “Intro to Divine Truth” can be found here, and the subsequent Q&A can be found here.

I also love this quote from Jesus, from which the content could be an entire other blog post I’d adore writing about my feelings on, but that may be for another time:

“Most of us have suppressed our true, personality-based passions due to external, injury-based influences in our childhood which we took on that have now morphed into fears and addictions in our adulthood.

That is why so many people feel ‘lost’ when it comes to what they are passionate about – internally they are resisting humility to their fear and grief about potential rejection and/or financial lack and therefore become quite disconnected from their childlike feelings of enthusiasm for things.”

To finish this blog post, I thought I’d share a few photos from my trip to London, which was filled with amazing discussions about God and God’s Way, wonderful friends, delicious vegan food, gorgeous parks, and a slew of new english slang (“Pop your clogs” and other delightful vernacular) that I’m joyfully confusing my American friends with.

Perry, Nicky and Peter — photo courtesy of divinetruthhub.com

Nicky, Perry and I at Kensington Gardens

Swans in a pond in a park in the foreground of a sculpture. You know, the typical sight. 😉

The guys at their second talk–everyone was new to Divine Truth!

Vegan pistachio cake at Wild Food Cafe: Game over, London.

You know a blog post is good when it finishes with an english rose photo!

Love,

Courtney

 

On Spirit Influence and Self-Worth

Hi Everyone,

I’m back about 5 weeks after creating this blog, and already some interesting things have happened in relation to it. I was so excited to set up the blog and write about my experiences with Divine Truth, and I logged in a good 5 hours of blog-forging (wink) and writing the About Me page, and I really loved doing all of it. As you’ll know if you’ve read it, I share mostly about my journey with God in that post.

An interesting thing happened for me emotionally after I finished setting up the blog and finished writing the About Me page about God. I’ve never had much of a block to writing, being it’s one of my passions, but after I wrote it, I just felt weird and suddenly not inspired to write more. I kept having these thoughts like, “This was a dumb idea. Why would I write about myself? That’s probably narcissistic. You’re not developed, so probably won’t really be of help to anyone.” And some fears along those same lines; mainly, “What if I’m just being self-important?” And so I hadn’t written any more. And what’s weird is, I have written about myself before in a different way. I’ve been working as a nutritionist since 2008 and specialize in helping people heal eating disorders and food addiction, and over on that blog, I’ve been quite open with my struggles with disordered eating and shared how I healed that. So why the block with this blog, these topics?

About a week and a half ago, I was catching up with my friend Nicky, who created the Divine Truth Forum, and shared that I’d been feeling these things. He suggested that “my” thoughts about it were likely the thoughts of dark spirits who were attempting to stop me expressing myself in order to hinder my creations and slow the spreading of Divine Truth on the planet.

This is a good place to briefly recommend some resources to watch if the topic of spirits is new to you. I recommend this FAQ playlist on what spirits are and how they (both benevolent and malevolent ones) can influence us. After the FAQ’s, check out some of the full length presentations on that topic. Lastly, Perry and Nicky did a great video on some of their recent experiences with spirit influence here.

Well, Nicky’s suggestion made sense to me, even though somehow that hadn’t occurred to me yet. I’m only now increasing my sensitivity to spirit influence, but I typically only notice it when it’s a full-on spirit attack by what feels like lots of spirits. In the instance of full-on spirit attack, it tends to feel like there’s a cloud of dense darkness around me, and I will have sensations physically of attack or of feeling extremely weighed down, sometimes very mentally foggy, and the thoughts that happen in my head become critical and mean. But in instances where it’s not such a dramatic attack but rather a spirit dropping thoughts into my head that seem more benign, I tend to assume they are all my own thoughts and I’m not quick to see what’s happening.

I’ve received some feedback on how dark spirits are able to influence me from Mary before, a bit over 2 years ago. Here are some of the excerpts from her email that I feel still apply to me now:

What is interesting is how devious spirits can be. For example, you have obviously done some work on not placing yourself in situations that are extremely unloving towards yourself (this is good) but some of the causal reasons that you allowed such treatment in the past are still within you. One of these causal reasons relates to your feeling that you deserve to be treated badly and your low self worth.

You have the feeling that you deserve to be treated badly. These emotions still within you creates a tendency in you to be drawn back to abusive situations now.

At the moment spirits are manipulating these feelings within you. They are pushing you towards blame of self, and re-engagement with abusers, rather than have you begin to work through your feelings of low self worth which will actually help you see the past and present much more clearly, and reduce spirit influence in your life.

Sometimes you can get stuck around these first two sets of emotions i.e. feelings of poor self worth and fear of attack. Its like –  if you grieve some of the bad feelings you have about yourself then you will feel better about yourself, then you will be more sensitive to poor treatment of you.

At the time the situation was a little different; then they were manipulating my worth-based emotions in order to make me feel guilt and get back in touch with abusers, and recently it’s been them manipulating my worth-based emotions to stop me writing and sharing myself and my journey on this path so far. And while I know I have more self-worth than I did 2 years ago, what’s remaining of the worth-based emotions are still allowing influence from dark spirits.

Spirits can only influence us when we choose not to heal certain emotions. And though I am currently not mediumistic and don’t have too much sensitivity to spirits, I’m starting to get a visceral awareness that my worth-based emotions are, in me, one of the very best ways, if not the best way, for spirits to influence me. It’s been a pretty reliable entry point for them and I am starting to notice how they’ll use it in almost any area of my growth if they can.

This is not to say I blame these spirits or feel like a victim. They’re brothers and sisters also, and anger towards them or blame or fear of them isn’t loving them. Spirits, in the same way as people on earth, cannot have any influence whatsoever if there aren’t holes in us emotionally that they can exploit. So while it’s extremely important to be aware of their potential influence and eventually be able to discern what is their influence and what is our own thoughts and feelings, it always comes back to taking personal responsibility for the emotions inside us. I have to heal more of my feelings of low-self worth, and that’s up to me, though of course God can help me through all those emotions.

A crucial understanding I have learned is that low self-worth is not a causal emotion. It is not a core emotion wherein when we get to those feelings, we are at the end. Low worth is actually an effect emotion, a result of situations and dynamics in our childhoods that created the feeling that we had less worth than God feels we do. In other words, someone, or several someones, created the feelings of low worth in us when we were children through their treatment of us.

For myself, while I have come to terms with and worked through a lot of pain from my childhood, there clearly is more in me, evidenced to me through this most recent experience with spirits. I have had the feeling I have less worth than both women and men, so it’s a both-genders emotional injury for me that comes from my parents in my childhood. When I, with God’s help, can heal all of those emotions, self-worth will no longer be an area spirits can influence me through. Worth issues always end up being a block to God as well, and so the more of causal emotions–which are under low self-worth–that we can release, the closer relationship we can have with God.

So the journey continues, and hopefully with less spirit involvement! I’ll post another update at some point on that particular aspect of things–hopefully after I’ve made some progress with it.

Love,

Courtney

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog! After this will come some more focused posts, but to start things off, just a little outline about how I’ve set things up:

First off, check out the About the Divine Love Path page, where you’ll learn what this entire blog will be based on, and the material I’ll be sharing musings and experiences about.

Secondly, I’ve created an About Me page, where I’ve written a bit about me and my journey with God so far.

Thirdly, the Recommended Resources page is chock-full of links to websites, youtube channels, blogs, a forum and more related to Divine Truth.

I am so very much looking forward to writing more and interacting with you if you desire!

Love,

Courtney