Like foie gras, where the geese are grabbed by the head, mouths pried open and force-fed massive amounts of food by a tube inserted in their throat,
You forced me to take in all of your bullshit, Mom and Dad.
Just like the goose forced to take in foreign food that is way too much for its small liver,
You pried me open, and force-fed me all of your rage, your fears, your insecurities, your unresolved issues externalized.
And a whole bunch of other awful stuff that I don’t even know what it is yet.
What I do know is that had I take it all in, swallow it all.
By tubing your torrent into me, you got to keep feeling like a good person. Innocent. Your conscience was clear. You maintained your power and control.
You got to feel light, unburdened, free.
Meanwhile burden and heaviness was my everyday existence, feeling trapped a constant feeling.
And then you told me it was all of my bullshit. It’s not yours, it’s mine.
I’m the one with the problem. I am to blame. I am responsible. Everything, always, is my fault.
Okay, yes, I agree now.
And now, just like the geese whose organs fail from the burden of their stomachs being pumped full of way too much food and their livers expand up to ten times their normal size,
I am also bursting at the seams, my spiritual “organs” failing, buckling with the burden of taking it all in.
But now I force-feed myself. Don’t worry, you don’t need to do it anymore, I’ll voluntarily put the tube in my throat myself. I’ll willingly swallow it all, you don’t need to make me anymore.
But I have to stop, because it will kill me if I don’t.
I am handing you back your shame, your rage, your fear. All the other stuff you wanted me to take in that I don’t understand yet.
I’m giving you back your tube.
This shit is not mine, it is all yours. I am not to blame. I am not responsible. It is not my fault.
I don’t care what you do with it; that’s not my problem to concern myself with. It’s yours.
I deserve to feel free, unburdened, light, and happy.
Just like all geese deserve!
Top photo by Marcus Ganahl via Unsplash
Second photo by Paul Trienekens via Unsplash