I wanted to let you know (in case you didn’t) that I write a lot of posts about healing addictions with food, on my business website. Many of the posts would suit this Divine Truth blog since I often talk about Divine Truth in them, but I post them on the other site as it’s my business’ main focus.
Overeating was my major physical addiction and something I’m passionate about teaching people about how to heal it. On my blog I also talk about a vegan diet and how to make an emotional shift into being vegan.
Like foie gras, where the geese are grabbed by the head, mouths pried open and force-fed massive amounts of food by a tube inserted in their throat,
You forced me to take in all of your bullshit, Mom and Dad.
Just like the goose forced to take in foreign food that is way too much for its small liver,
You pried me open, and force-fed me all of your rage, your fears, your insecurities, your unresolved issues externalized.
And a whole bunch of other awful stuff that I don’t even know what it is yet.
What I do know is that had I take it all in, swallow it all.
By tubing your torrent into me, you got to keep feeling like a good person. Innocent. Your conscience was clear. You maintained your power and control.
You got to feel light, unburdened, free.
Meanwhile burden and heaviness was my everyday existence, feeling trapped a constant feeling.
And then you told me it was all of my bullshit. It’s not yours, it’s mine.
I’m the one with the problem. I am to blame. I am responsible. Everything, always, is my fault.
Okay, yes, I agree now.
And now, just like the geese whose organs fail from the burden of their stomachs being pumped full of way too much food and their livers expand up to ten times their normal size,
I am also bursting at the seams, my spiritual “organs” failing, buckling with the burden of taking it all in.
But now I force-feed myself. Don’t worry, you don’t need to do it anymore, I’ll voluntarily put the tube in my throat myself. I’ll willingly swallow it all, you don’t need to make me anymore.
But I have to stop, because it will kill me if I don’t.
I am handing you back your shame, your rage, your fear. All the other stuff you wanted me to take in that I don’t understand yet.
I’m giving you back your tube.
This shit is not mine, it is all yours. I am not to blame. I am not responsible. It is not my fault.
I don’t care what you do with it; that’s not my problem to concern myself with. It’s yours.
I deserve to feel free, unburdened, light, and happy.
Daddy pulled your pants and underwear down and spanked you?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy made you stand in the corner again?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy said that Tigger backpack you want is stupid?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy said she bets you’d be happy if she died?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy grabbed your face and screamed at you?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy made you write “I obey Mom” 200 times?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy kissed you on the lips?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
You told Mommy he kissed you on the lips and she said you misunderstood?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy left and took all our money?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy made you her therapist and emotional spouse?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy said you looked “smoking’ hot” and that he liked your big boobs?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy was disgusted when you got fat?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy considered killing mommy and himself?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Mommy has ignored you for years now?
You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.
Daddy nearly killed a woman?
She’s fine. Stop exaggerating.
.
.
This poem was inspired by feelings I’ve had in the last few years. A few years ago, I found out that my dad had nearly choked to death his partner at the time, after years of physical abuse. When she regained consciousness after passing out from his strangulation of her, my Dad said to her, “You’re fine. Stop exaggerating.”
I realized that what my dad said to this woman after he nearly killed her is the same judgement and demand that has always come from both my parents about their abuse and mistreatment of me. This attitude is also now one that I tend to still perpetrate towards myself about my emotions and my experience, which I am trying to work through.
God, Love, and Truth 