I’m back about 5 weeks after creating this blog, and already some interesting things have happened in relation to it. I was so excited to set up the blog and write about my experiences with Divine Truth, and I logged in a good 5 hours of blog-forging (wink) and writing the About Me page, and I really loved doing all of it. As you’ll know if you’ve read it, I share mostly about my journey with God in that post.
An interesting thing happened for me emotionally after I finished setting up the blog and finished writing the About Me page about God. I’ve never had much of a block to writing, being it’s one of my passions, but after I wrote it, I just felt weird and suddenly not inspired to write more. I kept having these thoughts like, “This was a dumb idea. Why would I write about myself? That’s probably narcissistic. You’re not developed, so probably won’t really be of help to anyone.” And some fears along those same lines; mainly, “What if I’m just being self-important?” And so I hadn’t written any more. And what’s weird is, I have written about myself before in a different way. I’ve been working as a nutritionist since 2008 and specialize in helping people heal eating disorders and food addiction, and over on that blog, I’ve been quite open with my struggles with disordered eating and shared how I healed that. So why the block with this blog, these topics?
About a week and a half ago, I was catching up with my friend Nicky, who created the Divine Truth Forum, and shared that I’d been feeling these things. He suggested that “my” thoughts about it were likely the thoughts of dark spirits who were attempting to stop me expressing myself in order to hinder my creations and slow the spreading of Divine Truth on the planet.
This is a good place to briefly recommend some resources to watch if the topic of spirits is new to you. I recommend this FAQ playlist on what spirits are and how they (both benevolent and malevolent ones) can influence us. After the FAQ’s, check out some of the full length presentations on that topic. Lastly, Perry and Nicky did a great video on some of their recent experiences with spirit influence here.
Well, Nicky’s suggestion made sense to me, even though somehow that hadn’t occurred to me yet. I’m only now increasing my sensitivity to spirit influence, but I typically only notice it when it’s a full-on spirit attack by what feels like lots of spirits. In the instance of full-on spirit attack, it tends to feel like there’s a cloud of dense darkness around me, and I will have sensations physically of attack or of feeling extremely weighed down, sometimes very mentally foggy, and the thoughts that happen in my head become critical and mean. But in instances where it’s not such a dramatic attack but rather a spirit dropping thoughts into my head that seem more benign, I tend to assume they are all my own thoughts and I’m not quick to see what’s happening.
I’ve received some feedback on how dark spirits are able to influence me from Mary before, a bit over 2 years ago. Here are some of the excerpts from her email that I feel still apply to me now:
What is interesting is how devious spirits can be. For example, you have obviously done some work on not placing yourself in situations that are extremely unloving towards yourself (this is good) but some of the causal reasons that you allowed such treatment in the past are still within you. One of these causal reasons relates to your feeling that you deserve to be treated badly and your low self worth.
You have the feeling that you deserve to be treated badly. These emotions still within you creates a tendency in you to be drawn back to abusive situations now.
At the moment spirits are manipulating these feelings within you. They are pushing you towards blame of self, and re-engagement with abusers, rather than have you begin to work through your feelings of low self worth which will actually help you see the past and present much more clearly, and reduce spirit influence in your life.
Sometimes you can get stuck around these first two sets of emotions i.e. feelings of poor self worth and fear of attack. Its like – if you grieve some of the bad feelings you have about yourself then you will feel better about yourself, then you will be more sensitive to poor treatment of you.
At the time the situation was a little different; then they were manipulating my worth-based emotions in order to make me feel guilt and get back in touch with abusers, and recently it’s been them manipulating my worth-based emotions to stop me writing and sharing myself and my journey on this path so far. And while I know I have more self-worth than I did 2 years ago, what’s remaining of the worth-based emotions are still allowing influence from dark spirits.
Spirits can only influence us when we choose not to heal certain emotions. And though I am currently not mediumistic and don’t have too much sensitivity to spirits, I’m starting to get a visceral awareness that my worth-based emotions are, in me, one of the very best ways, if not the best way, for spirits to influence me. It’s been a pretty reliable entry point for them and I am starting to notice how they’ll use it in almost any area of my growth if they can.
This is not to say I blame these spirits or feel like a victim. They’re brothers and sisters also, and anger towards them or blame or fear of them isn’t loving them. Spirits, in the same way as people on earth, cannot have any influence whatsoever if there aren’t holes in us emotionally that they can exploit. So while it’s extremely important to be aware of their potential influence and eventually be able to discern what is their influence and what is our own thoughts and feelings, it always comes back to taking personal responsibility for the emotions inside us. I have to heal more of my feelings of low-self worth, and that’s up to me, though of course God can help me through all those emotions.
A crucial understanding I have learned is that low self-worth is not a causal emotion. It is not a core emotion wherein when we get to those feelings, we are at the end. Low worth is actually an effect emotion, a result of situations and dynamics in our childhoods that created the feeling that we had less worth than God feels we do. In other words, someone, or several someones, created the feelings of low worth in us when we were children through their treatment of us.
For myself, while I have come to terms with and worked through a lot of pain from my childhood, there clearly is more in me, evidenced to me through this most recent experience with spirits. I have had the feeling I have less worth than both women and men, so it’s a both-genders emotional injury for me that comes from my parents in my childhood. When I, with God’s help, can heal all of those emotions, self-worth will no longer be an area spirits can influence me through. Worth issues always end up being a block to God as well, and so the more of causal emotions–which are under low self-worth–that we can release, the closer relationship we can have with God.
So the journey continues, and hopefully with less spirit involvement! I’ll post another update at some point on that particular aspect of things–hopefully after I’ve made some progress with it.